On a recent car ride to a routine location, I used the moment to ask my daughter a question. I wanted her opinion.
I carefully laid out the background information that was relevant to my question. I felt like I needed to give her enough information to form an opinion, but not too much information to sway her answer. Then I asked my question.
From wisdom beyond her years, she asked, “Have you prayed about this? Because it sounds like you have a lot of negative thoughts and that tells me that you have not talked with God about this.” My mouth opened but words did not come out. Sensing my internal struggle she spoke again, “I learned at camp how to pray for guidance with my problems. My counselors said they were challenged to pray before they took their problems to each other. It helped them to be a better team and keep God in the middle of their work together.”
I know, your mouth may be open at this point, too. It is impossible to find a response to truth when it is spoken (especially when it comes from a teenager). I now know that there is one question that is more important than all questions. “Have you prayed about this?” This one question does a few things. It eliminates the need for superficial questions and problems, it keeps God in the middle of my life and it stops actions that are not of God.
I leave you with a question this week for you and your family, “Have you prayed about this?”
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.Matthew 26:41
From our Happy Praying Tent to Yours,
Down the street from our hotel room and around the corner, we stepped into Goorin Hats in the French Quarter. We actually had to step in because we lost sight of Mr. Bell. He has been a fan of this company for a while and felt pulled into the store when he saw the sign. The rest of us just waddled in like little baby ducks. It was after 8 o’clock and we thought it would be a quick stop before we continued down the sidewalk to enjoy the sights and sounds of the city.
Little did we know that we would fall in love with this little store and hats! We tried on every hat and admired every hat pin. We modeled for each other and processed the appeal of one hat over another. As each of us decided on a flatcap, beret, and fedora, Mr. Bell had a little worried look on his face. He had just successfully created a Bell hat frenzy and we were happy!
Hats, we discovered, are the perfect accessory for any outfit for any stage of life. A hat allows you an opportunity to express yourself. There is always room to change the look as we grow.
Hats are also a great reflection of all the phases in life that we live through together as a family and in relationship to God.
Here’s a glimpse.
- Baby: Parents choose any cute and precious hat to put on their sweet baby’s bald head. God’s message: Love from parents is direct love from God.
- Toddler: Parents buy ten of one special hat to avoid any repeat meltdowns. God’s message: Grace, grace, and more grace.
- Elementary: Anything goes with anything really as long as a hat is on hand for theme days. God’s message: I have created a great big world for you to explore because I love you!
- Teen: Words like cute, pretty, or perfect cause immediate rejection. It is best to just pay for the hats and be mute. God’s message: I am proud of your courage to discover the person I created.
- Parents: Basically, dad looses hair. Hat becomes a necessary item. Mom doesn’t wash hair. Hat becomes a survival fashion trick. God’s message: Lean on me. Let go of the unimportant. Focus on the blessings. All the blessings!
We offer this little glimpse into our tent and our hat rack. We hope you too have a collection of hats in your tent that show the world who you are. We pray that each day of your life, you know whose you are, too. The balance of knowing and showing is a sweet spot for God to use your precious head (with or without hair) to express his love to others.
Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.Matthew 28:20
From our Hat Happy Tent to Yours,
Since the day our daughter could talk, she asked for a horse. She is an animal lover. She used to say, “I am a REAL animal lover” when she was younger. A lot of animals have been adopted into our tent over the years. A hamster that liked to bite, a dog on Christmas morning, a chicken that was actually a rooster, a turtle rescued from a parking lot, a snail who had babies, another dog, rabbits that won a blue ribbon, another dog, huge stinky pigs, and a fish just so the child would sleep in her own room. But there has always been one animal that was missing from the collection, a horse.
The tent managers (aka parents) are just like all 40 year olds that end up owning a horse. We are wondering how we got to this point. Of course, we told our daughter she could have a horse one day. It takes a super power to tell her beautiful blue eyes “no.” But we always assumed “one day” would never show up. Surely, she would out grow this horse fixation. Surely, she would realize the amount of time (and money) that goes in to owning a horse. Surely we could delay this request until she is in her 40’s and has a place to board the horse. Surely, surely, surely!
As the horse requests started to come on more frequently after we moved to the country, we made a deal with our horse loving daughter. “If” she was willing to help cover the costs for the horse expenses, “then” we would get her a horse. Before we knew it, she was a Red Cross certified babysitter with business cards, a loyalty card (Every 7th babysitting job is free!) and adorable two-year-old clients.
Happy the horse (he actually came with that name) joined our family in January. Every morning for a month, we have been at the barn at sunrise and sunset, feeding Happy. Three times a week our daughter throws a saddle on Happy and they trot off together through the pastures. They are a beautiful site together. And of course, we all love Happy because he makes us happier.
The 40 year olds in the house (who now own a horse) have learned a lot in this experience.
- Children have dreams and we need to help them achieve their dreams. The spirit of youth is contagious. We all need a little more fairy dust, horse riding and magic moments in our lives.
- Animals teach us about life. Animals are loyal, interesting and social. Life with nature awakens all our senses. The more we experience animals in this life, the more we appreciate creation.
- Responsibility is good for children. Where else will children learn to be responsible Christians? Our tents are full of opportunities to teach responsibility. If we take these opportunities away, we are taking away tickets to success.
- Honor your promises. We made a deal. Our horse lover kept her side of the bargain. We had to keep ours. We all learned a lesson in this deal.
We pray our tent is always a place filled with dreams and life lessons that teach life skills. What dreams are alive in your tent? How can you help make them come true for you and others?
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10
From our Happy (the Horse) Tent to Yours,
We routinely hear the declarative statement, “I don’t like eggs,” in our tent every morning. This has been happening for a number of years. (Maybe even for 13 years if we are honest.)
Mr. Bell is the breakfast chef in our tent. He rises early every morning and stumbles to the coffee pot in the kitchen. Next he surveys the breakfast supplies to decide the morning menu. Then he begins to crack eggs, fry bacon, make muffins, slice apples or a number of other natural exercises that produce a well-balanced breakfast. Every breakfast plate is served with his signature…a smiley face. He makes every breakfast into a smiley face. Every plate. Every morning. They look so good on Instagram, I can wait to cook mine and share them online! I just need to get free instagram followers so more people would see my fine creation!
Most of his well balanced breakfast plates include eggs. Fried eggs. Scrambled eggs. Poached eggs. Boiled eggs. With every egg comes a quiet statement from a member of our tent. “I don’t like eggs.” Quiche, breakfast tacos, and cheese omelets all get the same response. “I don’t like eggs.” Even eggs in a smiley face receive a response that says, “I don’t like eggs.”
Something happened the other morning that shocked our tent. We responded to the statement. Every other morning we just ignored it. But on this morning, we responded with, “You really don’t like eggs?” Then she said, “I tell you this every morning,” and bites into her bagel. Then the two leaders of our tent looked at each other with big eyes and said, “She really doesn’t like eggs!” The next morning, eggs were not a part of her smiley face. (She still had a smiley face on her plate and one appeared on her face.) We had finally heard her. (Way to go parents!)
As much as we would like the people in our tents to be just like us, they are not. Family members surprisingly like different things. They like different food, different music, different books, different movies and more different things. And yet, we pretend that everyone in the tent likes the same things. (We even get frustrated when this happens.)
When we listen to what is being said and pay attention to what is being said, we discover good useful information about someone we love. We are invited into their world when they reveal a difference and that is when the relationship grows deeper.
Jesus paid attention to words people said and their actions. He found good useful information about the people He loved. The people He loved were changed by the relationship and still are today.
I wonder what differences live in your tent? What can you learn from each other this week?
All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 2 Timothy 3:16
From our Happy Tent to Yours,
In our tent we have two girls and they talk. A lot. They talk the most after they put on their seat belts in the car after school. There is always a verbal challenge to see who can talk first. The one who spoke first this week said, “Mom, I have a secret! But I cannot tell you.” Excellent! The trick to this game from the drivers seat is to keep your eyes forward and focus on a plan to learn the secret. (The driver is also the parent after all and for a little while longer, it is my job to know those secrets.) With my eyes forward, I simply said, “Well you know, I am a trained professional secret keeper.”
That started the wheels turning in her developing brain and in no time, I learned ALL about the secret. Of course I cannot tell you what it was because I am a professional, but it was a good one. So good that the secret keeper came home, sat on the couch and fell asleep in less than thirty minutes. Her secret had a lot of weight to it.
Part of our rule of life in our tent is “Bells don’t keep secrets.” We recite it often. We talk about the power of a secrets. The weight of secrets. How they can divide people. How they open the door to more secret behaviors. In our tent, it is almost impossible to keep a secret…unless it is a birthday secret of course.
Part of God’s rule of life is “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” Webster says that secrets “keep from knowledge or view.” We can talk about the way secrets keep us in the dark. The stress of secrets. The energy it takes to keep a secret. How they keep us stuck in life. But you probably know all about those things.
Or we can talk about how good it feels to let a secret out. When we let it out a secret, all the stress of the secret goes with it. We are then available to experience truth and light again. In the absence of secrets we find freedom. And that makes Christ smile.
What are some rules your family lives by? Is there a secret you have been carrying around for a while? Today may be the perfect day to let it out and live free from its weight. You may even find the need for a good nap on the couch after the experience.
The secret things in their heart will be made known. So they will bow down and worship God. They will say, “Without a doubt, God is here with you.” 1 Corinthians 14:25
From our Secret Free Tent to Yours,
P.S. If you have time, use this TED talk to keep the secret thoughts going.
Sometimes life completely surprises us in both good and bad ways. Recently in our tent, we experienced a surprise. We were surprised to discover that our new puppy had a kidney disease. The extremely sad part is that she is now Jesus’ adorable puppy and no longer ours. The extremely spiritual part is that we have moved through our loss together and relatively well.
Birdie came into our lives over the summer. We planned six months before during Christmas to add a puppy to our tent. Everyone in the family contributed to the “Puppy Fund” jar over those long six months. We paid for Birdie in 1’s, 5’s, 10′, 20’s and A LOT of change. When we handed over our jar to the breeder, we all smiled with pride. After Birdie was ours, we went on our summer vacation. And yes, Birdie joined us because we were NOT going to leave her behind.
She traveled to Longmont and Estes Park, Colorado. She enjoyed the early morning coffee shop visits and met many locals over coffee. She loved the feeling of the wind blowing on her face as we traveled to the top of Estes Park. She couldn’t believe the view. One evening during an outdoor jazz concert, she rolled around in the thick grass on a cool Colorado night and played with her tiny ball. She was such a trooper on the long car rides and participated in every game and sang every song! Birdie Bell quickly became a part of the Bell family.
Once we were home for good, Birdie enjoyed picking up our scholars in school each day and assisting with homework by keeping little laps warm. She learned tricks, greeted us in the morning and assisted with the wake up call. She loved to visit our neighbors and was often the center of attention as neighbors were taking their routine walks. She never met a stranger. She even befriended our other dog, Sam, with little effort. He was a big fan of our tiny little Birdie.
Just as quickly as she came she was gone. Of course we shed tears, asked “Why” and hugged a lot during the days after she was gone. We still talk about her often and smile at the memories we shared with her. Some dogs need just a little bit of time to make a big impact.
In honor of Birdie, we would like to share a few lessons that we learned from her.
- Perfect Planning Does Not Equal A Perfect Ending: We prepared for our new puppy. We shared the responsibility of paying for her. We all learned about the discipline of saving and waiting. (It was very difficult to not “borrow” from the puppy fund!) We shared the responsibility by letting her out, letting her in, feeding her and playing with her. Everyone participated with joy. We took her to the vet for her shots and carefully selected the perfect groomer. We gave her perfect treats. We did everything RIGHT for Birdie. But our ending was less than perfect. Perfection is not a guarantee for a perfect ending. In life, perfection is overrated. It’s a myth. In life, nothing is promised to us other than eternal life when we believe in Christ.
- Take Time To Visit: With Birdie we spent a lot of mornings and evenings outside playing. Our T.V. became a secondary activity. Because she was a five pound adorable ball of fur, she was a neighbor magnet. During our time with Birdie, we visited with our neighbors more because we did not have the luxury of being in a hurry. We were present with Birdie and our neighbors. We enjoyed our spontaneous conversations each day and we looked forward to them. Birdie taught us to hurry less and visit more. You never know how much you need to have a conversation with a neighbor until it is over.
- Risk Love: We fell in love fast with Birdie, very fast. We risked everything to love little Birdie and we loved her completely. She had full control over our hearts. Would you do it again? Absolutely! The pure love and joy that she brought into our tent and into our relationships was worth every dollar and penny that we saved in our “Puppy Fund.” It is a risk to love someone or something other than yourself. Birdie taught us that it is worth the risk.
One evening last week we were having dinner and we talked about Birdie. We talked about getting another puppy. We talking about if we wanted another one, if we wanted the same breed, and if we were ready. Everyone in our tent has strong opinions so the conversation was lively. But one comment summed it all up. If or when we are ready to try again, our new puppy will be named Birdie 2.0! She was that fun and special.
Which one of the “Birdie” lessons speak to you this week? What is special about your pet(s) and what do they teach you?
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29: 11
From our Happy Tent to Yours,
There is a quiet storm building in our tent. It is subtle. It is strong. It is powerful. Now and then we get a glimpse of it’s powers. A glimpse came one morning when a member of our family was discovered crying and yelling in the kitchen because she could not locate a shoe. One shoe. The sound coming from the kitchen was loud enough to be heard throughout the tent. We all hurried to see how we might help the situation.
In all of our collective training as pastors, parents and spiritual directing, we were speechless. Speechless. We did not know if we should offer this family member a hug or a baseball bat. So we all just stood still and watched until the storm was over. Everyone was happy to go their separate ways. Before we drove off to work and school, we heard wise words from the eye of the storm, “I think I had a hormone.”
Being human is a little overwhelming at times. Especially when internal storms are building. We do things, we say things, we think things that are not of God. We all mess up sometimes. Our families have a front row seat to our mistakes, breakdowns and failures. The people we live with sometimes see our best and worst sides all in the same day. And yet, we continue to love each other, deeply.
The only way we continue to love is through grace. We have received grace through Christ individually and therefore we are able to give grace to others. Especially to those we live with in our tents. In close relationships, we can practice giving and receiving grace day after day. Sometimes receiving it is more difficult than giving grace.
As you look back on your family this week, where have you seen grace? Who has experienced a moment of grace from someone they love? Who gave grace to someone? What did it feel like?
Grace began pouring into our family member the moment she said, “I think I had a hormone.” Hugs were given and tears were wiped away. We found the shoe. And we assured her that there were many more hormones behind that one. There are also many more moments of grace ahead of us.
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— not the result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8-9
From our Happy Tent to Yours,
P.S. A wise friend shared a poem with me years ago called “When Children Turn Into Cats.” If your family has had a hormone visit lately, this poem will give you a new perspective! Enjoy!
Social media lately is flooded with firsts and lasts. There are first communions, first dances, first cars, first steps, first solid foods. There are last recitals, last awards ceremony, last graduations, last day of school, last day to pack school lunches (Can I get an Amen?). It would be difficult not to notice all the smiling faces in the pictures or the energy in our communities. There have even been some first birthdays as new babies bounce into the world and last hugs and kisses as love ones spend their last days on earth.
Joseph Campbell once wrote, “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” Whether you are experiencing a first or a last this month, you are probably leaving one life and headed into a new one. You are leaving one normal and creating a new one. And if you are not experiencing this yourself, simply take a look to your left and your right, you will see someone who is. As we change from one life into the next, here are some ways to help you transition, recenter, stop, or become more aware of God’s presence:
- Sit in your God space and listen. Remember that the creator of the universe (your creator) is available. Any time. Any place. If you have a God space in your house or office…sit in it. Focus on one thing that never changes…God’s love for you!
- Make a lunch date with a friend. Spiritual friends are the best! They listen, understand, advise, support and follow up. They often know what you need before you know what you need. A lunch date will provide you with a pause between all the things you have to get done before you go to bed. Everyone can use a pause now and then.
- Plan a selfie day with just you and things you love. Watch a movie at 10am with popcorn and a coke. See two movies if you have time. Pull out your music collection and jam to you favorites. Take a nap in the middle of the day without you cell phone in the same room. Read a book just because. What brings your joy? Do it!
- Name your emotion(s). Mad, sad, angry, fearful or tender. All emotions fall under one of these top five. Once you know your emotion, you are more able to experience it and control it before it controls you. Pretending that you are not deeply experiencing one of these emotions is like pretending that nothing is changing. Pretending is exhausting.
- Plan a trip. It always helps to experience a change of scenery whether it is a day trip or a vacation. Just having one on the calendar is life giving! Shop in a new store. Visit museums in your community or close by. Reconnect with a family member or old friend and drive to their town to simply spend time together. Exploring nature in small parks or big parks like the Grand Canyon can certainly be fun! And there is always camping!!
- Take a deep breath. Sometimes when I am with my mom and I take a deep breath, she says, “Is that your first breath of the day?” Sometimes you just need to take a breath and a step, a breath and a step. Find a pace that allows your soul to catch up with your body!
- Hug your family. A one-minute hug always does the trick. (Set a timer.) One-minute to connect. One-minute to freeze time and capture the moment. One-minute of peace in the midst of chaos. Your family is experiencing many firsts and lasts together. Hugs, notes, texts, and hand-holding are all encouraged in the middle of transitions.
While you (or someone you know) is experiencing firsts and lasts this month, remember one thing. Jesus is the “author and finisher” of our faith (Hebrews 12:2). “Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made” (John 1:3). Jesus is the Alpha and Omega, the first and the last. When we see all of life through Christ eyes, we see the whole picture. There are many firsts and lasts that we experience, but in the middle we experience a full, abundant life. That is why Jesus came to this earth and why we have faith in Christ.
Keep posting those precious pictures of your abundant life, the highs and the lows. Each day and each experience serves as a reminder that we are all in this together within the loving arms of Jesus. And Jesus is ready to give us more of an abundant life!
From our Happy Tent to Yours,
Whether it is the best way to parent or not, in our tent we practice “all-in” parenting. Because of this we often find ourselves in the middle of family projects where we have NO previous experience. Recently we started “Family Project #674: Bunnies.” This project began just before Memorial Day. We were given five New Zealand rabbits, pens, poop trays and a wonderful consultant (a sophomore at Texas A&M University…whoop!). The rabbits lived on the back porch for two weeks. And then I had a “hissy-fit”. The rabbits could no longer stay on the back porch. The solution…move them to the yard, cap the sprinkler heads in one section, and build a pole-barn. We spent Memorial Day weekend building the barn. (Our motto…family projects bring you closer!! Smile! Ugh). The rabbits moved in and I reclaimed the back porch.
Our next step was an exciting event which we called “The Breeding Party.” At 11 o’clock one night, I found myself sitting in chairs around the pen with a 19 year-old young man and three girls ages 11, 9, and 7. We were watching the rabbits breed. (Mr. Bell has already retired for the evening.) Once the event took place, “The Breeding Party” was over and everyone went to bed. We talked about the event for weeks. And then we waited thirty long days before…BUNNIES!!
These new little bunnies have filled our home with love and joy all week during a week that we needed love and joy. These new bunnies have been moving around in their sweet little bed that their “all-in” mother made for them during a week when comfort from nurturing mothers and friends is just what we needed. These little bunnies have shown us new life in the midst of death during a week when we have seen the fragility of life next to the promise of eternal life.
I hope and pray that you too have experienced moments of love, joy, comfort and new life in your tent this week. Remember…God is always around even during difficult weeks.
Be still and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10
P.S. Bunnies for sale!!!
On Wednesday evening, we received a special invitation to a birthday party. The hostess for the party gave out handwritten invitations to each member of our family. The honored guest was her special doll, Sarah. Sarah was turning three the next day and the party was planned for 8 o’clock in the morning. Throughout the evening, there was a lot of activity going on in the hostess’ bedroom. Candles, Oreos, forks, balloons, streamers, and napkins all floated across the house from various rooms to the bedroom. The computer paper vanished from the printer and was transformed into party hats. No one was allowed in the bedroom for a preview. We had to wait until 8 o’clock in the morning. Not a second before. Finally we all fell asleep while visions of the party danced in our heads.
As 8 o’clock rolled around, we all began our short journey to the party location with coffee in hand. (One person was almost late because they tried to play possum!) The room was decorated with streamers and balloons. At each place setting there was one Oreo with a fork and a glass of water. We sang Happy Birthday to Sarah as she was presented an Oreo-tower with candles on top! The rest of the party included a balloon toss, scavenger hunt and finally a dance party. Three generations were dancing around the bedroom celebrating the day. Smiles were everywhere. Especially on the hostess.
Our little hostess threw a great party and she learned how to do it from our parties. She had paid attention to details even when we didn’t know she was watching. It reminded us that ALL the details that make up our busy days are seen by little eyes and ears. The way we talk to others and the way we talk to each other is recorded in young minds. The way we help strangers and the way we take care (or don’t take care) of ourselves is seen with fresh eyes. The way we connect with God and share our story with others is witnessed by searching souls. It is worth our time to think about the messages we send through our daily details. How do we model a spiritual life? How do we show appreciation for God’s gifts? What does love, grace and forgiveness look like in our lives?
If you have a hard time remembering what it was like to be a child, I recommend eating an Oreo for breakfast. It’s a good way to step out of your busy, stressed, gluten-free adult world and step into a world full of possibilities. All of our adult agendas for the day were put on hold for a brief moment this week. We ushered in the new day in a beautiful way. The party became our devotional. We spent time together and time with God because we know God was a guest too. We could feel the joy and the love through God’s presence.
As we left the party we were given a party favor. A hug.
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12
From our Happy Tent to yours,